…my ARTistic world… The ART(blog)

…tough on the outside, VERY soft on the inside… This time of year DO have something magical with it…, …and as the softy I am, I get tears in my eyes looking at the beautiful lights…, …dreaming…

…the last years has brought me to have a sort of negative feeling towards christmas even though I’m usually a very positive person…, …and I used to be a very christmassy person too… Loved christmas… But I guess the thing is… I’m not made of concrete, and the last years has been filled with losses, people you miss especially on this time of year, tough changes, and I miss not having that special one to kiss on christmas an on new years eve… The events you share with those you plan to keep in your life… A man that is more than a short romance… A "keep’er"… To share this magic with… Looking at the magical lights…, …together… I guess I’ve just reached a point in my life where the last years has been enough, and it sure is time for some magical changes… And that’s what I’m feeling today… Hope… Magical hope that tells me to be positive, because the wildcard may be out there… That the man I feel for, feels too… Things can still happen… The optimist in me rules, and hope that the end of this year can bring the changes into my life that I wish for… The one thing that are more valuable than any sucsess or money… I WISH…

…it’s dark… I’m in thoughts… About love… Deep love…
…I have such a profound need to sense, to feel alive, to love deeply, and to be IN love… The passion, to give!!!
…I get tears in my eyes thinking about it…, …longing…

I wish there would be easier, but maybe it wouldn’t be so wonderful to reach then…

…I’m awake… AGAIN!!! Annoying…, but I’ll sleep soon I believe… My mind has to finish some thinking and then move over to dreaming instead…

I’m thinking about love and the fortunate ones who are couple these days…, …and are able to plan for christmas together… It’s the most horrible time of the year to be single for sure… And more frustrating when you actually have someone who occupies your heart and mind, and fascinates you, but don’t know how to get from A to B to C etc… Because even the toughest girl is not at all tough when she feels something…

…when you know who you wish for and think about, but not what to do about it… When you act like you’re less or not interested, and actually feel so much… That’s how it feels for me now… It tickles in my toes, I get chills, and I get tears in my eyes when alone… And I lie here awake and think about… Frustrated now… But has to sleep… Night!!

Dreams are there to be catched… When you want, when you need, when you can, when you dare… It takes guts, but are totally worth it…

To catch your dreams and make them be real, you have to leave some of the things that holds you back behind… Clean and toss and know which suitcases to bring and which to not… Don’t envy others who has made it, but let it inspire you to do it yourself…

…when I was I little girl, my beloved granddad made collages of angels that he hung up on the wall next to my bed where I slept every time I visited them in the big city which I did often… He wanted me to look at them until I was on my way to dreamland… I love that memory and keep it in my heart forever ♥

…as so many knows I have more projects than time, because my brain creates and get ideas ALL the time… But I stick to the majors I want to complete and do them one by one as long as possible. Now I’m inspired to grab a project that has been in both my heart and mind for years… I just needed the last kick to go for it, and I almost have that final and must needed kick… Almost the last piece in place to just GO DO IT!!! I WILL!! I WILL complete this one… Excited!!! …be continued…;)

…the small precious moments are often more important than you realize there and then…, …so stop for a second to just be… To be is to sense life… To sense life is really to live!!!

I was there for you, always…
I loved you…, unconditionally…
I listened to your stories…
I was prepared to go to you if you needed me, and help you…
I gave you security in being loved, by being there, available, always… On a distance…, but still…

You said I was in your heart, and I think I am, …but when I needed you, you weren’t there…
You were only available when you needed me… Not when I…
You reached out for me, when you were lonely… Not when I…
You were there on your terms… Not mine…
You let me be alone, feel alone, at times when I needed you the most… I don’t blame you though… I love you too much for that…

I can’t anymore, now it’s up to you… I can’t force the love away from my heart, but I can step back… I can say that enough is enough…, and you have to show me action, care, and fighting spirit…

To fight for a girl is to show that you are there when she needs you… Not only coming after her when you are ready to come get her… Because you need both of those to win…

The wonder about strong, deep love, is that it can trigger hurt, the tears, the feeling of someone not being there, and still survive and grow… Like magnets…, that can’t be kept apart…

The sun is shining through the curtains, making patterns on the wall… It’s beautiful, but at the same time my thoughts wander as I look at the sun… Tears from my eyes… Pain in my heart…

Those people… They hurt me so deep it will never heal… Will they ever know or understand what they really did? I survived… Barely… But the memories are haunting me daily… How can they live with themselves after what they did? How’s that possible? I don’t understand… Every day I ask myself the same question? Why???

Heading for photoshoot this weekend if everything goes according to plan. I have worked for so long on different projects, with research and other… And has also been delayed due to really bad back pain, but now it’s time to make some of the images I have dreamed about for so long… See how it goes…